Monday, January 4, 2010
--The battle is on--
Not pregnant….month number 2….The battle of logic vs. emotions is on.
Logic: The Lord has the perfect baby already planned for us and that is the only baby that I want! He knows this baby, this future precious child, and is waiting for the perfect timing for him/her to be conceived. There is one perfect sperm that is supposed to meet with the one perfect egg to create our perfect little baby. (Perfect meaning exactly what the Lord has planned, not perfect-perfect) I find peace in figuring this out and meditating on it all day and night. It is all in the Lord’s timing….peace.
Emotions: Ugh. They have me all messed up! I know all of that logical stuff that I already mentioned is true, but then the girly-emotional part starts to play in….This is the hard part. I am sad. We did everything “right” this month. Is something wrong? I know that 2 months is nothing and that I should not get discouraged. I hate that we only have one small window of opportunity per month because that means having to wait again until next month! Why can’t we just be fertile all year long!?!?! On second though….maybe not such a good idea. Here’s the other thing I figured out. As soon as you start, you know you aren’t preggers and this is the time of the month when you are all emotional anyway….bad timing….really, really bad timing…..I can’t handle much during this time anyway…..
So, that’s what is swirling around in my head 24/7 these days. What’s in yours?