i'll just say...

that some days, i don't find this mothering thing to be very fun.
some days, it's down right a chore.
some days, he is doing good to just be alive by 6:00 when daddy gets home.
some days...ugh....just ugh...
and on those days i feel bad about my feelings...i guess that no one ever promised it would be easy or fun. i had just assumed....and we all know what assuming does.
so that is all. that is where i am today as i sit with a screaming toddler who is screaming and throwing his food and doing everything he knows he shouldn't and it's just not fun. this too shall pass, but i just wonder when...and it better be soon....very, very soon.

roomies

so when we were in college, ross and i complained to each other about our roommates...a lot.
we both had some really fabulous roomies, but we also had some that were just plain awful.

i had one who would completely fill the sink with dirty dishes...then move to piling them on the counters...and when the counters filled up, she'd start putting them on the patio! i mean, really?!??!

ross had one who would get out, idk--say lunch meat and mayo or chicken fried steak and gravy-- leave it on the counter over night(s) and then, when it was nice and close to rotten, put it back in the fridge!! sick!

anywhoo- these complaints became super valuable info to remember upon getting married and becoming roomies! we knew each other's pet peeves and could take care to avoid them.

well, i don't think i've done a very good job. you see, i'm kinda messy! my room was super-duper-oldest-child-perfectionist-clean growing up. then i moved to college. somehow between end of sr year and start of college, i decided that i didn't really care to make my bed every day. i didn't mind a few clothes on the back of my chair. a few stacks of paper really didn't bother me! so, my crazy clean and organized room became, well, not. i mean, it was/is never dirty...like with dirt. it's just not tidy and i'm pretty sure it gets on ross' nerves! so, here are the reasons that i think i've become a bad roommate. followed by my *excuse...i mean, reasons :)

-i leave little stacks of crap everywhere i go.
*idk why and i really can't blame this on the baby. it definitely has bc (before carson) roots

-i hang stuff on doorknobs all over the house! (bras, bags, purses, diaper bag, etc)
*the cats can't get into it

-my couponing binder/supplies are always on the living room floor.
*i watch tv while i plan my next big money saving excursion

-i only make the bed if we have company coming over
*and they are really lucky guests

-i leave shoes all over the house and pile them on the closet floor
*there is no reason for this one

-there are, pretty much at all times, 3 stacks of my unfolded clothes in our room/bathroom/closet
*i have to try on 50 million different things before i leave the house at least semi-satisfied

(like the paint splotches on the wall in the bathroom? we are testing out sample colors)



-when i do laundry, i leave stacks of clothes on the couch...for a long time
*mainly, i just can't stand laundry. plus, the baby only lets me get so much done at once

-my car is a total mess
*some of it is baby stuff, but i've always been a messy car kind of gal. it makes me feel cozy. in college, i actually used my trunk as a makeshift storage unit!

-i never can fall asleep at the same time as ross
*i've always been a night owl, but this whole insomnia deal is new

-i fill up his dvr with amazingly girly tv
*he actually won a contest at work the other day because of my tv selection awesomeness! ya, you're welcome!

-i definitely don't clean the floors as much as i should.
*it's kinda pointless. it's just going to get dirty again!

-my craft room is a complete and total disaster 99% of the time.
*i'm always mid-project and cleaning it up/taking it all out takes up lots of valuable time

so, even though ross has never once mentioned any of these rommie sins, i have decided to work on them. well, to try to work on them. i mean, they are important to ross (i think?!?!), and i don't want to be his annoying roommate. that being said, i do know that, despite what i do wrong, i also do a lot of stuff right...like, umm...keeping our son alive and putting dinner on the table! that counts for something, right?!?!?!?

Valentine's

Oh, how times have changed. In high school and college, v-day was a big deal for us. I felt like we somehow had to "prove" our love with lots of gifts and spending lots of money. Looking back, that's pretty stinkin dumb. I mean, really? It should just be about spending quality time with the one you love.




This year, we didn't go out for a fancy dinner. We didn't get presents for each other. We didn't even get cards! Instead, I made us a nice big dinner and got all dressed up. (even put the baby in a "tie") We put the baby to bed early. We lit candles. We drank some prosecco, ok, a lot of prosecco. We laughed and talked about how much more love we have in our lives this year than any other year ever...no presents required. And in my book, it doesn't get much sweeter than that. It was, without question, the best Valentine's Day ever.

God's Funny

We went to Galveston this weekend to visit family. It. Was. Fab. I'll post pics later.

About 4 hours into our 6 hours trek home, Baby Boy woke up sCrEaMiNg...Like blood curdling, something's wrong, kind of cries. We pulled over to the next gas station and I took him inside to change his diaper. He was still screaming. I'm 99% sure he had gas, so there was really nothing I could do to help the poor little guy.

Anywhoo...Other ladies were going in and out of the bathroom as I change him in the stall. All the while, I'm humming to him, shhhing, saying "You're ok," on and on...Partly to try to calm him down and partly to assure outsiders that I am not in fact torturing my son. (though it sure sounded like it)

Ross was waiting for us outside the bathroom and two ladies walked out past him. One said to the other, "Has saying "you're ok" one million times to a baby EVER fixed anything?" Ross bit his lip and silently asked God for patience so that he didn't go off on this lady. And just then, the rude lady drops her purse on the gas station floor and all of her belongings roll everywhere...just picking up the nasty, filthy germs. Bwahahahaha. We win. Good one, God...That's some funny stuff!

I told Ross that he should have turned to her and said, "Shhhhh...You're ok," after everything spilled.

The whole deal had me thinking about my parenting the remainder of the ride home. Could I have done something better in that situation? Was I doing something wrong? Should I just stand there and not try to comfort my crying, sweet, helpless baby boy? My answer: No. I did exactly what was right for our family in that situation. I am, through and through, a nurturer for my son. If he is hurting, or sad, or hungry, or whatever, I am going to do my darndest to fix it! And, in this situation, that meant to change his diaper and tell him "you're ok" a million times. (so shut up, lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The other thing that it made me consider was my attitude toward other parents. I am not innocent in this at all. I am super judgmental of other parents in public. I mean, I don't tell them anything, but I certainly do think it and talk to Ross about it. I need to step back and realize that every family is different. Different strategies are right for some and not for others. I need not judge. I need to have a soft heart and be compassionate because they too, are probably doing their darndest to fix it.

I wish I would've known...

-If you buy nursing bras before the baby comes, buy them one size bigger than your current size because those puppies are gonna get b-i-g! (sorry Dad...hope you skipped out on reading this post)

-Postpartum hair loss: 3 to 4 months after you deliver, you will lose massive quantities of hair. It's totally normal because you grow lots of hair when you're preggie. You're not going bald from baby stress.

-There's a possibility that your knuckles will from still be swollen 4 months after the baby comes. They will go down.

-If you and the hubs are inexplicably cranky, you probably need to have sex. It'll cure it. (again...sorry Dad)

-Bring a bag of change to the hospital for the vending machine. Everyone, including you, will appreciate it.