Sunday, February 12, 2012


I don't know what my deal has been lately, but here's what's on my mind....It's 3 main things. 3 huge main things.

1- Dave Ramsey. Freakin Dave Ramsey. I finished reading Financial Peace University and we are now onto the implementation portion. If you have read the book or listened to his show, you know that this is no small feat. In fact, this alone could be consuming of my thoughts.

2- Total mommy freak out. I feel like I don't teach Carson enough. I think that this stems from my teacher background...I don't do lesson plans. I don't have set lecture/experiment/activities/etc. So, I totally went internet research crazy. (which for me is stupid because it always makes me feel inadequate and less than a good mommy) I mean, I am very intentional with how I talk to him. I describe things, point them out, we read, we talk, we play with friends, etc. I just feel like I could be doing more. I don't want him to miss out on anything because of my lack of teaching and structure. What I have decided is this...I'm going to put down my phone, turn off the tv, and talk, talk, talk to him. He plays by himself a lot during the day while I do chores/cooking, and at first I was super pumped that he has learned to entertain himself. It took a while to teach him this. But, now I wonder (much to do with my current reading selection...) if he plays alone too much. I wonder if I need to be having more structured play time with him and teaching him new skills. It's just so overwhelming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He needs to learn EVERYTHING. How in the world do you start with this little mind and have to teach them EVERYTHING??????? I mean it's more than colors and numbers and shapes. It's life skills. It's social skills. It's EVERYTHING!!!! Can you tell I'm freaking out??? The other stupid thing I did was go and buy/borrow books from people. You know the best way to underestimate your parenting abilities? It's to read about other people's perspectives because they all think you're doing it wrong....and I'm sorry "Toddlerwise," my child sleeps until about 10:00 every day and under no circumstances am I going to wake him at 7:00 for the sake of keeping a schedule. No way. No how. No. No. No. Just no. The other think I'm not going to do is to tape a schedule, broken down into 15 minute intervals onto my fridge to dictate my day. Are you kidding me? Here's what I will do. I will commit to getting him up and dressed. Eating breakfast while doing a Bible study with know...the kind with no tv or phone. I can read. He can listen. I can talk. He can pretend to listen. We can then have concentrated/directed play together. Maybe I'll pick a skill or activity each week...something like that. I'm not going to print out toddler assessment sheets to give him grades on what we are doing though. That's just crazy! Then, we will do lunch and nap, run afternoon errands, cook dinner and play with Daddy at night. I think that pretty much would be ideal and I don't have to conform to schedule on my fridge, I can still get Bible and learning time in, he can play alone while I cook dinner, and we can have invaluable family time in the evenings. That's my compromise. That's my solution to all that I'm reading and letting freak me out. That's what is best for our do you do with your family? What works for you? I'd love to hear it, as long as it's not a schedule on your fridge for every 15 minutes.

3) The last thing is telling and teaching Carson about Christ. It's basically the exact same rant as #2, just in relation to his knowledge and understanding about Christ and not about "stuff." The morning Bible studies will help me, thus helping him. I also need to sing Bible songs to him and pray out loud over him at night. I think it's a good habit to start now and I don't think it's too early. I pray while I rock him before bed, but I do so silently so that he can go to sleep. I'll have to think this one over...I'll have to find the right timing in our day and for now, it doesn't necessarily have to be right before bed. I need to teach him to fold his hands and bow his head at dinner prayer. We have been working on "amen" for a while, but he's not there yet :) The other thing I could easily do is put some Christian kids songs in my car. I have a CD, I just need to use it. He can listen to those and start to learn the words now! I still remember Christian songs that I learned in the car driving around with my mom and some of those were just basic Biblical truths set to music! Voila! Perfect!

4) I need to chill. He is 16 months old. 16 months. That is all. I also need to know that I am doing a good job. He is healthy and happy and more than on track, both physically and mentally. I am just such a "check-list" person, that not having a guide for all of this is scaring me! What don't babies come with a monthly learning check list? Could someone please do that for me ;)

So.....................that's what's on my mind. It's a lot. I'm overwhelming myself with this mothering stuff. But, getting it all out there in writing has always been my #1 choice in therapy. But, using that logic, I would owe every reader (all 2 of them) an hourly fee for listening to me gripe.

mainly messes.

i've come to the realization that our days are basically filled with making and cleaning up messes. the thing is, these are what i call "productive messes" because every mess is a learning opportunity! we take things out. we dump stuff. we put it back. we do it again. we learn that things fall. things make noises when thrown. some things bounce. some things hurt. some things get the drift.

sometimes we even go to daddy's office to "learn" there, too!

the other thing that consumes our day is exploring. the kid fits himself into every nook and cranny around...the higher off the ground the better! umm...adding the ER to my speed dial asap.

he climbs.

he squats.

he falls and he repeats. but again, it's all in the name of learning....right???????

on a side note...this is most likely his last sink bath ever...mainly because of the enormous volume of water on my kitchen floor post bath.

and this was his first ever ride in my old wagon from when i was a kid! it was really special.

roughly 15 months old

Sunday, February 5, 2012

i'll just say...

that some days, i don't find this mothering thing to be very fun.
some days, it's down right a chore.
some days, he is doing good to just be alive by 6:00 when daddy gets home.
some days...ugh....just ugh...
and on those days i feel bad about my feelings...i guess that no one ever promised it would be easy or fun. i had just assumed....and we all know what assuming does.
so that is all. that is where i am today as i sit with a screaming toddler who is screaming and throwing his food and doing everything he knows he shouldn't and it's just not fun. this too shall pass, but i just wonder when...and it better be soon....very, very soon.