Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Hard Stuff

It seems like my emotional world has come crashing down since we returned from the wedding. Ok- that may be a little dramatic, so let me explain. It all has to do with death, dog bites and best friends moving away.

About an hour before my brother's rehearsal dinner, I got word that a childhood friend had died. I had known him since we moved to Victoria when I was 8. That's almost 20 years. He had been my on and off jr-high/high school boyfriend. I helped him through lots of stuff when his mom passed away suddenly in college. She taught me how to make some excellent key lime pie. Oh- and there's this....He asked me to marry him about a month before our wedding. Um....yah. Talk about awkward. Talk about random! He had a whole life planned for us. He had been saving for a ring since high school...did I mention that we had not dated since freshman year? It threw me (and Ross) for a total loop. Needless to say, we hadn't been very close since that incident, although I thought about him often (in a totally platonic way) and really wished the best for him. He was just one of those friends. A real special guy with a soft spot in my heart. I pushed all of those thoughts and tears out of my mind until we were done with wedding stuff. Then I got home from the excitement and things started to calm down...this is when I usually get depressed. The few days after an exciting weekend with family are always the hardest. Add onto that the death of a friend and I was sunk. Just sad. Way sad. And I feel like I shouldn't mourn the loss because of the relationship that we had. So there's this I'm-sad-but-I-shouldn't-be-sad thing going on, too. Plus, I've mentioned before that we had an epidemic of suicides/deaths when I was in high school, so losing someone from that time brings up all sorts of feelings that I work to overcome.

A few days after we returned from the wedding, Carson was at a friend's house so that I could go run some errands. Well, I got a frantic phone call about an hour into it and all that I heard was "Crying...Dog...Eye...Blood....Come back!" I put the pedal to the metal and hauled some serious tail to get to her house. This was when the mommy adrenaline kicked in because I was calm as calm could be. I called the pediatrician on my way to her house and told them we'd be coming in. I called Ross and my family to fill them in. I prayed. I rehearsed what to tell the cops when I got pulled over for speeding, which luckily I didn't need. So, I run into her house. Baby boy is screaming hysterically. She is holding him and his shirt is covered in blood. His eye had been scratched by their dog. No one knows exactly what happened, but he had a big scratch over his left eye and red, bloody tissue floating on his eye ball. I hurried him to the dr and she sent us to the pediatric ophthalmologist. She even called and got us an emergency appointment with the dr at the children's hospital. Again, we hauled booty to get there. The diagnosis was this: the INSIDE of his eyelid had been scratched. The doctor removed the tissue and cleaned up the wounds. He prescribed a cream that healed it up within a few days. Long story short- we are super blessed that God protected his eye. We are super grateful that his vision was not impaired. We are super blessed that it wasn't worse than it was. By the end of that day, Ross and I were totally drained as parents. It felt like I had run a marathon...but then it continues.

That Sunday we were at a friend's house for a birthday party. Carson was playing with the other kiddos and their miniature Pinscher was in the action, too. C decided to try to hug the dog and before I could even react, the dog bit his face. Geesh! Are you kidding me???? Are you freakin' kidding me???? TWICE IN ONE WEEK? It broke the skin but was more of a big ol' scratch than anything. You could see the teeth marks going down his entire cheek, but it wasn't a serious injury for him. For Ross and I, it was a different story. We left the party and came home to sulk. We felt like horrible parents. We felt like we couldn't protect him. We felt HORRIBLE that he had been hurt once, let alone twice! It just shakes you all up....makes you feel incapable...makes you want to lock up your child in a protective bubble and never let him out until he's 40!

*Side note: We will be working on animal safety with Carson. Obviously, we don't condone kissing strange dogs, etc.*

Moving on- A few days later, of course it was the day before we were heading out of state, C came down with a fever. Usually I don't rush him straight to the dr for this. I treat him at home with the meds that we already have been prescribed. That was my plan so we headed to Louisiana for a (super rare) family reunion. Baby boy wasn't getting better so we decided to take him to the ER on Saturday night. Turns out the poor guy has bronchialitis. (I'd never heard of it...Apparently it's similar to bronchitis.) Another strike on the parenting meter. I'm feeling like I am super sucking it up on this right now! We have been home for a few days now resting and watching lots of tv, which again makes me feel guilty. I don't like him to watch a lot of tv, but when he is sick, I have to learn to be ok with it. I have to change my mind. I have to understand that his brain isn't going to turn to mush because he watches choo-choo for 2 days straight, because that is the only way he will sit still and recover. Oh- this parenting thing is so confusing.

And now, the grand finale...the straw that broke the camel's back...the piece de resistance....Our best friends are moving away. The movers come tomorrow. We had our last play date today. I can't really write any more about it because it hurts. Bad.

Soooooooooo----Add it all up and my emotional tank is pretty much on E. Now, please, please tell me some good news from your end of the world!


Jessica said...

Kacie! You've certainly had your share lately... I guess sometimes when it rains it pours. :o( You're a GREAT mom, and y'all are GREAT parents!! Crap happens when they're little - it just does. You CANNOT protect them from everything!! We can only do our best to protect them from the big things. Just last month we were crossing the street on the way to school (a very busy street), and to save time we didn't cross at the cross walk, and walked along the smallish sidewalk that divides the street to cross the other side (I'll typically do this if it's just me - it's fairly common, but had never done it with two kids in-tow, late for school). When along comes a HUGE coach bus from behind right next to us going fairly fast. Had Andy stumbled and been just two inches to the right, he would have been toast! And the breeze from the bus passing scared the bejesus out of both of us!! Bad decision!!
And don't worry one bit about letting Carson watch TV when he's sick; sometimes that's the only way to get them to sit. I'm sure it's speckled with some quiet time and a book or two. ;o)
And I'm sorry for the loss of your friend - you shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad about that either!! Regardless of what happened, he was part of your life, and he was your friend, and you need to grieve - it's OKAY!!
Hmmmm, you asked for some good news.... we're excited about our trip to Argentina in a few weeks! 7 days skiing in the Andes, and 5 days touring Buenos Aires. Should be fun!
Love you, Girl. YOU ARE AWESOME!!

Leslie said...

oh Kacie, we have had those seasons, sorry its taking me so so long to see this.... dogs, and fevers, and and and and.. the worst friends moving away. Not fun. Im so so sorry.
First, You guys are awesome parents, kids get hurt, every scrape isn't a reflection of your un-ableness, or man oh man.... it WILL get brutal. Its signs of growing and changing, and learning.... and its hard. Just love you friend, and your mama heart. Keep on keeping on. Praying for health, and lots of laughs and the sweetest simple family moments, that sneak up and surprise you, in the midst of the hard stuff. Love you.

Leslie said...

oh and Kacie, totally spaced... I had no idea anyone from Vic had passed. how did I miss this? Im so so sorry... praying so much went on those few years.... praying for you as you re-process a lot of it.