Survival Guide: Stay At Home Mom

The world of a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) can be very isolated and lonely. I am grateful every day that I have the honor and privilege of staying home to raise C and I am NOT complaining, I am just stating the facts. Talking to a toddler all day can leave your brain mushy by 6:00. Being cooped up with a sick child can leave your feeling alone. The monotony of it all can seem like walking on a treadmill, all of the hard work but ending up right where you started. But, along the way I have discovered a few tricks to make myself stay sane...a few little things to make those isolated days more cheerful!

1- Open the blinds! Let the light shine in and enjoy the beauty around you! For me, opening the blinds (or windows if it's cool out) can be the easiest way for an instant pick-me-up! There's nothing worse than moping around a dark and gloomy house all day!

2- Get dressed! There's just something about putting on a little makeup and cute outfit that puts a pep in my step. Plus, the hubs always appreciates coming home to a non-yoga-pants-wife!

3- Turn off the TV. It's just a life suck. I get drawn in, Carson stops being imaginative and playful and my productivity drops. Instead, I set up a good, happy station on Pandora and go to town. I may or may not be pretending that it's the soundtrack to my imaginary life movie.{This sweet friend calls it "happy house music"}

4- Get out! Go to the park. Go to the library. Go on a walk. Just go for a drive! The kids will be happier, you'll feel like you've "done something" and your mood will be boosted! I'm a frequent go-to-Sonic-just-because-I-needed-to-get-outer.

5- Do something for someone else! Bake cookies for a friend, bring in your neighbor's trashcans, do a chore for your spouse. Giving is getting! I especially like doing things for people in secret. It just feels so good!

6- Call someone! Make some sort of adult contact each day. Texts don't count. I can sometime feel my brain getting less mushy by the minute as I'm on the phone with an adult.

7- Move your booty! Treadmill, YouTube video workout, jumping jacks, walk outside, chasing the kids in the yard, etc. The endorphins released are your body's natural "feel good" juice.

8- PLAY! Sometime I reach the end of the day and feel like I haven't spent any time with my son, which is crazy since we are together ALL DAY LONG. I find that if I spend some focused, un-distracted, personalized time with C, the day seems more productive....and I feel like a better parent.

9- Get up before the kids. This one is hard for me, but I feel so much better when I do! C is a late sleeper; he inherited this super power from yours truly. I love nothing more than a good, late sleep. But... If I can get up and ready before C wakes, I feel like I have invested some time in myself. I have gotten to go to the bathroom alone, maybe watch the news, put on makeup and invested time in myself before giving to others for the remainder of the day.

10- Get in The Word! I know that the Bible says to wake early and spend time with God, but ooooh how I hate the morning. I am all groggy and cloudy headed and craving my pillow. But, that being said, I feel like God speaks to us in the morning in preparation for the day ahead. I have an app on my phone with Bible studies to follow. This is a good way for me to stay directed on an applicable topic instead of feeling like I'm opening the Bible blindly. I like to do my study during breakfast and I read/say it all aloud so that C hears it. I like to think that he's absorbing some of the knowledge, or at least seeing mommy in God's Word.

What do you like to do to stay out of the loony bin?
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Hard Stuff

It seems like my emotional world has come crashing down since we returned from the wedding. Ok- that may be a little dramatic, so let me explain. It all has to do with death, dog bites and best friends moving away.

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About an hour before my brother's rehearsal dinner, I got word that a childhood friend had died. I had known him since we moved to Victoria when I was 8. That's almost 20 years. He had been my on and off jr-high/high school boyfriend. I helped him through lots of stuff when his mom passed away suddenly in college. She taught me how to make some excellent key lime pie. Oh- and there's this....He asked me to marry him about a month before our wedding. Um....yah. Talk about awkward. Talk about random! He had a whole life planned for us. He had been saving for a ring since high school...did I mention that we had not dated since freshman year? It threw me (and Ross) for a total loop. Needless to say, we hadn't been very close since that incident, although I thought about him often (in a totally platonic way) and really wished the best for him. He was just one of those friends. A real special guy with a soft spot in my heart. I pushed all of those thoughts and tears out of my mind until we were done with wedding stuff. Then I got home from the excitement and things started to calm down...this is when I usually get depressed. The few days after an exciting weekend with family are always the hardest. Add onto that the death of a friend and I was sunk. Just sad. Way sad. And I feel like I shouldn't mourn the loss because of the relationship that we had. So there's this I'm-sad-but-I-shouldn't-be-sad thing going on, too. Plus, I've mentioned before that we had an epidemic of suicides/deaths when I was in high school, so losing someone from that time brings up all sorts of feelings that I work to overcome.

A few days after we returned from the wedding, Carson was at a friend's house so that I could go run some errands. Well, I got a frantic phone call about an hour into it and all that I heard was "Crying...Dog...Eye...Blood....Come back!" I put the pedal to the metal and hauled some serious tail to get to her house. This was when the mommy adrenaline kicked in because I was calm as calm could be. I called the pediatrician on my way to her house and told them we'd be coming in. I called Ross and my family to fill them in. I prayed. I rehearsed what to tell the cops when I got pulled over for speeding, which luckily I didn't need. So, I run into her house. Baby boy is screaming hysterically. She is holding him and his shirt is covered in blood. His eye had been scratched by their dog. No one knows exactly what happened, but he had a big scratch over his left eye and red, bloody tissue floating on his eye ball. I hurried him to the dr and she sent us to the pediatric ophthalmologist. She even called and got us an emergency appointment with the dr at the children's hospital. Again, we hauled booty to get there. The diagnosis was this: the INSIDE of his eyelid had been scratched. The doctor removed the tissue and cleaned up the wounds. He prescribed a cream that healed it up within a few days. Long story short- we are super blessed that God protected his eye. We are super grateful that his vision was not impaired. We are super blessed that it wasn't worse than it was. By the end of that day, Ross and I were totally drained as parents. It felt like I had run a marathon...but then it continues.

That Sunday we were at a friend's house for a birthday party. Carson was playing with the other kiddos and their miniature Pinscher was in the action, too. C decided to try to hug the dog and before I could even react, the dog bit his face. Geesh! Are you kidding me???? Are you freakin' kidding me???? TWICE IN ONE WEEK? It broke the skin but was more of a big ol' scratch than anything. You could see the teeth marks going down his entire cheek, but it wasn't a serious injury for him. For Ross and I, it was a different story. We left the party and came home to sulk. We felt like horrible parents. We felt like we couldn't protect him. We felt HORRIBLE that he had been hurt once, let alone twice! It just shakes you all up....makes you feel incapable...makes you want to lock up your child in a protective bubble and never let him out until he's 40!

*Side note: We will be working on animal safety with Carson. Obviously, we don't condone kissing strange dogs, etc.*

Moving on- A few days later, of course it was the day before we were heading out of state, C came down with a fever. Usually I don't rush him straight to the dr for this. I treat him at home with the meds that we already have been prescribed. That was my plan so we headed to Louisiana for a (super rare) family reunion. Baby boy wasn't getting better so we decided to take him to the ER on Saturday night. Turns out the poor guy has bronchialitis. (I'd never heard of it...Apparently it's similar to bronchitis.) Another strike on the parenting meter. I'm feeling like I am super sucking it up on this right now! We have been home for a few days now resting and watching lots of tv, which again makes me feel guilty. I don't like him to watch a lot of tv, but when he is sick, I have to learn to be ok with it. I have to change my mind. I have to understand that his brain isn't going to turn to mush because he watches choo-choo for 2 days straight, because that is the only way he will sit still and recover. Oh- this parenting thing is so confusing.

And now, the grand finale...the straw that broke the camel's back...the piece de resistance....Our best friends are moving away. The movers come tomorrow. We had our last play date today. I can't really write any more about it because it hurts. Bad.

Soooooooooo----Add it all up and my emotional tank is pretty much on E. Now, please, please tell me some good news from your end of the world!

i'll just say...

that some days, i don't find this mothering thing to be very fun.
some days, it's down right a chore.
some days, he is doing good to just be alive by 6:00 when daddy gets home.
some days...ugh....just ugh...
and on those days i feel bad about my feelings...i guess that no one ever promised it would be easy or fun. i had just assumed....and we all know what assuming does.
so that is all. that is where i am today as i sit with a screaming toddler who is screaming and throwing his food and doing everything he knows he shouldn't and it's just not fun. this too shall pass, but i just wonder when...and it better be soon....very, very soon.

why

Why is it that we hurt the ones we love the most?

Why is it, that when I am upset, frustrated and just plain cranky, that I take it out on my husband?

Why is this such a hard lesson to learn?

Why do I do it over and over and over, and then spend the next few days absolutely hating myself?

You would think that I would learn my lesson...learn to bite my tongue...learn to express my frustration in a constructive way....but no. I don't. I continue to spit fire in the heat of the moment and then cry in the shower.

I apologize. I tell him how wrong, mean, and ugly I was. I ask for forgiveness that I don't deserve. The thing is, I know he forgives me...but I still hurt him....and that's worse than anything....anything in the world. And bleepin bleep....I did it again.

relief.

Yay!!!! We went to the doctor this morning for baby's eye. We left relieved. It wasn't that she told us particulary good news, but she definitely didn't tell us bad news, either.

The doctor said that Carson is far sighted in his left eye, causing it to turn inward when he is trying to focus on things close to his face. It is not an optic nerve issue, meaning that I did not give him this. I cried when she told me. I was so relieved. The structure of his eye is great and his issue most likely won't require surgery. He will probably need glasses as a child for focusing on things close to him, like reading. He will probably grow out of it. For now, we are supposed to patch his good eye for 1-2 hours a day and go back in 3 months for a check up. She was also very encouraging about us catching it early. Thanks for the prayers and concern! I will definitely be able to sleep much better tonight!

Heavy heart

This is a heavy heart topic. I am struggling to even write it without crying.

I have noticed in the past few days that Carson's left eye is drifting inward. It doesn't happen all of the time...like mainly when he's tired...or it's late...or stuff like that. But, I'm super scared.

The problem is this...I have an underdeveloped optic nerve and am legally blind in my left eye, something that most people don't know about me. I function completely fine (except for the increased amount of times I run into things due to lack of depth perception) and since I've had it from birth, I don't know any different. For me, it's no big deal. For my baby to possibly have it BECAUSE of me...killer.

It has only been going on for 3 days and hopefully I am overreacting. We went to the pediatrician yesterday and they referred us to a pediatric ophthalmologist. We go in the morning. I. Am. Terrified.

Please pray for miraculous healing. Please pray that the Lord intervenes and heals the muscle that is not functioning properly. Please pray that I can hold it together and that I will have peace.

My mom sent me this verse yesterday and it has been quite comforting for me heart...

Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh, is anything too difficult for me? Jeremiah 32:27

When I think of it in accordance to this verse, Carson's eye is no big deal for the Lord! He can fix it in a flash! Nothing is too difficult for our God.

God's Funny

We went to Galveston this weekend to visit family. It. Was. Fab. I'll post pics later.

About 4 hours into our 6 hours trek home, Baby Boy woke up sCrEaMiNg...Like blood curdling, something's wrong, kind of cries. We pulled over to the next gas station and I took him inside to change his diaper. He was still screaming. I'm 99% sure he had gas, so there was really nothing I could do to help the poor little guy.

Anywhoo...Other ladies were going in and out of the bathroom as I change him in the stall. All the while, I'm humming to him, shhhing, saying "You're ok," on and on...Partly to try to calm him down and partly to assure outsiders that I am not in fact torturing my son. (though it sure sounded like it)

Ross was waiting for us outside the bathroom and two ladies walked out past him. One said to the other, "Has saying "you're ok" one million times to a baby EVER fixed anything?" Ross bit his lip and silently asked God for patience so that he didn't go off on this lady. And just then, the rude lady drops her purse on the gas station floor and all of her belongings roll everywhere...just picking up the nasty, filthy germs. Bwahahahaha. We win. Good one, God...That's some funny stuff!

I told Ross that he should have turned to her and said, "Shhhhh...You're ok," after everything spilled.

The whole deal had me thinking about my parenting the remainder of the ride home. Could I have done something better in that situation? Was I doing something wrong? Should I just stand there and not try to comfort my crying, sweet, helpless baby boy? My answer: No. I did exactly what was right for our family in that situation. I am, through and through, a nurturer for my son. If he is hurting, or sad, or hungry, or whatever, I am going to do my darndest to fix it! And, in this situation, that meant to change his diaper and tell him "you're ok" a million times. (so shut up, lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The other thing that it made me consider was my attitude toward other parents. I am not innocent in this at all. I am super judgmental of other parents in public. I mean, I don't tell them anything, but I certainly do think it and talk to Ross about it. I need to step back and realize that every family is different. Different strategies are right for some and not for others. I need not judge. I need to have a soft heart and be compassionate because they too, are probably doing their darndest to fix it.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad {week}

We're having a tough week around here.

Ross is sick...fever, sore throat.
He still has to go to work.
We don't want the baby to get sick, so Ross comes home and stays in our bedroom.
This means double duty for Momma.

The high for the week is like 20.
There is snow and ice on the ground and I don't know how to drive in it.
We are cooped up inside.
DFW is having rolling black-outs. Yay.
Our outside pipes are frozen...even though they are wrapped up tight.

But, on the plus side, we got some more pictures from C's little photo shoot!


This one just melts my heart...over and over and over again. Wow.

5 O'Clock...aka The Witching Hour

Screams. Cries. Blood curdling shrieks.
Wanna come play at our house?
Every day around 5-ish Carson enters into the witching hour.


I run through the normal solutions.
Clean diaper? Check.
Fed? Check.
Not sleepy? Check.
Still crying? Check.


Why, oh why my baby? Why, oh why?
What it's come down to is this. He's going to cry, even if I sit down and hold him. He's going to scream, even if I do everything I know how. So...I just stick him in his swing, put him in the kitchen and make dinner...with baby cries as my cooking soundtrack. I don't know what else to do!


Did your little ones ever have a certain "melt down" time every day? What did you do to survive? How did you make le bebe feel better? Do you have a solution? PLEASE!

Unconditional Love

Sheer frustration but absolute, unconditional love.
The story: Today was one of those hard days, but I learned a lot. It seems that hard nights are always followed by rough days and this was no exception. This morning I wanted to go to MOPS for the first time since he was born. It was a lofty goal, being that it starts at 9 am, but we made it! Side note: MOPS is very difficult for me. Strangers scare me. Meeting new people scares me. Large amounts of people scare me. Trying to start up conversations scares me. Add all of these together and it's basically my worst nightmare. Now, add a new, squirmy, grunting, pooping, loud baby in a quiet room and ta dah!! You get a hard morning. After the awkward small talk over breakfast, the speaker began...and so did Carson. *moan*grunt*fart*squeak*repeat* Now, you'd think that a room full of mothers would be the most understanding place in the world. Or not. So, I took Cars into another room to feed and change him. (and to avoid the glares, I mean, glances from other moms) He was doing better so we tried again. Well, that lasted for all of about 3 minutes. I ended up leaving early and crying in my car. Cool, huh? I mean, way to hold it together, be strong, etc. And...of course, he stops crying and starts being all happy when we get in the car so I set lofty goal #2...Sonic and Target solo with the little man. We got half way through getting a drink and he starts super-fussing again. Ok. I get the point. It's time to go home. We went home, nursed, had lunch and crashed out on the couch. He slept on my chest and let me tell you, it was way better than any speaker at MOPS.

The evaluation: Today I learned that it's ok if my plans change because of my son. He comes first. I was so frustrated with those other moms and was in total "momma bear" mode. I mean I was MAD! As trying as these times are, I am so very, beyond words, in love with Carson. I am truly learning the meaning of unconditional love. He can be spitting up, pooping, screaming and snotting all at the same time and I still can't get mad at him! I think that The Lord gives us patience beyond what we could ever have on our own. He gives us compassion and strength. He gives us love. Carson can be testing me to my absolute limit but then I look at his sweet little face and melt all over again. Not mad. Not frustrated. Not at my wit's end...just smitten. Just a momma loving her baby boy. Just doing the best, the one million percent best, that I can to be the mom that the Lord has prepared me to be. So you know what? Target can wait. MOPS will be there again next time. The dishes can be put away later. For now, my son needs me to lay on the couch and let him sleep on my chest...and that's exactly what we will do.