This has been a rough week, as I already shared in a previous post. Well, today everything came to a head. I was getting ready to go run errands with Ross. I had just finished my make up, the way that Ross likes it, and broke down. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I just couldn't stop! It was horrible. I'm about to be way too honest about why I was crying. I'm about to be totally transparent so, don't judge. I need to be able to look back at this when I'm pregnant next time and remember that I made it through.
-What if I don't like the baby?
-What if I don't think he's cute?
-Do I even want a baby? (not that I have a choice)
-What if he takes away the "us" that Ross and I have had for nearly 10 years? I really love how our relationship is now and don't want that to be destroyed.
-Ross is going to come home now and be more excited to see the baby than he will be to see me.
-People are going to call to check on the baby and not even care how I'm doing.
-My body is changing and I don't like it. I've gained 5 lbs and don't like seeing the scale crawl up and up...and I know that this is only the beginning.
-I'm getting *bad word* stretch marks! Um....I'm 25. I don't need those and quite frankly, it's pissing me off.
-I needed new bras this week because the torpedoes are enormous and Target doesn't even carry my size anymore. I almost cried in the store.
-I can't stand up without getting dizzy, seeing spots or seeing complete darkness.
-I can't sit down without groaning and positioning myself like a 90 year old man.
-I can't sit up from laying down without having sharp pains in my belly. It's like my ab muscles have quit.
-I can't put my socks on without sitting down. Long gone are the days of standing up and putting on one sock at a time. Now, I have to sit down and help bring my other leg up so that I can reach it.
-I have had diarrhea, bad diarrhea, for about a month. The doctor says that it's just how my body is reacting to everything. (See, I told you I was going to be too honest.)
-I like that Ross loves on my belly all the time but, at the same time, I'm jealous. Today, I told him "Love on me, not on him." How fickle have I gotten? Ugh.
-I'm tired of having to eat every 2 hours to avoid getting a glucose headache. I'm not even hungry most of the time but still have to eat.
-I'm short of breath. I can't climb a single flight of stairs without being winded. Sometimes, even when I'm sitting down I can't catch my breath. It sucks.
-Obviously, my hormones are going NuTs!
-My back hurts a lot. It doesn't hurt all the time and that's good but, when it hurts, it really hurts.
-I'm scared of labor.
-I'm scared of labor recovery.
-I'm scared of breastfeeding and all of its complications.
-I'm scared of how big I'm going to get during the pregnancy.
-I'm scared of losing the baby weight.
-I'm scared of coming home from the hospital with a baby....I mean, what the heck do you do with a baby all day long?
-Basically, I'm just scared of everything.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
BIG update
Yesterday we went in for our 20 week check up. Here's what we learned.
-We are actually 21 weeks.
-He's a BIG baby. (Thanks, Ross.)
-Most babies are about 9 ounces at 20 weeks....he's 13.
-Dr M says that he'll be over 8 lbs.
-He's definitely a boy...no doubt.
-The due date has been moved from Oct. 17 to Oct. 6. This is great with me! The sooner the better.
-We are measuring about a week ahead.
-Dr M thinks we will most likely induce to lessen the chance of emergency c-section.
-I have gained 5 lbs. She'd like to see 10-15 by now. I think 5 is plenty.
-We will begin discussing labor options at our 36 week appointment.
-His brain and all other organs are working great.
-He has big feet.
-All size measurements were in the upper 90 percentile for his age. Crap.
-He has long legs, good for playing soccer...of course!!
-He's really stinkin' cute!!! I'll post pictures later but, we saw his cute little face, lips, nose....oh goodness...he's precious. From what I can see, he has Ross' nose and my lips.
-Did I mention that he's a big baby???? Scary!
-We are actually 21 weeks.
-He's a BIG baby. (Thanks, Ross.)
-Most babies are about 9 ounces at 20 weeks....he's 13.
-Dr M says that he'll be over 8 lbs.
-He's definitely a boy...no doubt.
-The due date has been moved from Oct. 17 to Oct. 6. This is great with me! The sooner the better.
-We are measuring about a week ahead.
-Dr M thinks we will most likely induce to lessen the chance of emergency c-section.
-I have gained 5 lbs. She'd like to see 10-15 by now. I think 5 is plenty.
-We will begin discussing labor options at our 36 week appointment.
-His brain and all other organs are working great.
-He has big feet.
-All size measurements were in the upper 90 percentile for his age. Crap.
-He has long legs, good for playing soccer...of course!!
-He's really stinkin' cute!!! I'll post pictures later but, we saw his cute little face, lips, nose....oh goodness...he's precious. From what I can see, he has Ross' nose and my lips.
-Did I mention that he's a big baby???? Scary!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Let me vent....
**Warning: Nothing about this post is positive. Read at your own risk.**
Ross’ grandma passed away yesterday. It was peaceful, she was a believer and it was for the best. It still sucks. Ross is most upset that his mom is upset. Again, it sucks.
I haven’t been sleeping well. Every time I move, my tummy muscles hurt. When I don’t get sleep, I get cranky…like a 2 year old who missed their nap.
I was supposed to have the day off today. We have an ultrasound appointment this afternoon and I have lots of unused sick days left, so I was going to relax and sleep. I changed all of my plans because the news crew was supposed to come film my class today for a project that they have been working on. Well, they cancelled this morning and I’m here with 77 super bummed out kids, thinking about how I could still be asleep.
Our school is in total outrage. Our principal has lost all sight of what is good and right for the school. He’s out of touch and forgotten that we are professionals and love our kids. He has forgotten that we do everything in our power to protect, nurture and teach them. I have never seen moral so low. I have never seen so many angry, truly outraged teachers. People are yelling, slamming doors and are madder than I’ve ever seen. It makes me want to cash in all of my sick days and say, “See ya!” We are not appreciated at all. We did AMAZINGLY well on TAKS and have not even received so much as a “good job” email from him. Not to mention that he completely overlooked Teacher Appreciation Week a few weeks ago. It wasn’t’ mentioned on the announcements, through email, put on the marquee, NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. What kind of message does that send to your staff? Well, I’ll just say that I can’t even explain how low morale is….I can’t even come close.
My parents had a rough week. On Monday, my mom’s new assistant started. She was running an errand for my mom, driving my mom’s car and she wrecked it. She was totally at fault and had not driven the route that my mom had told her to, and she badly wrecked the car. My parents have to pay for it, too. It will be filed on their insurance. Also, on the same day, my parents were set to close on their new lake house. They were at the title company signing papers, when they realized that the bank had forgotten to add the “Jr.” to my dad’s name on all of the paper work. There was no quick fix and they weren’t able to close. They will try again later this week. Bum deal.
I’m a hormonal mess. I haven’t really felt this way that much but this week has been bad. I feel like I have PMS on steroids and it won’t go away. I’m cranky, crabby, short tempered, snappy, weepy, tired, etc….It sucks.
The kids have lost it. There may still be over a week of school left but they have already quit. Their behavior is out of control. They are done and so are the teachers. It makes it very difficult to get anything accomplished. I’m going to have kids fail this grading period because they refuse to turn in missing work. Well, that is their decision. I can teach and teach and teach, but if they don’t turn in their work, they are going to suffer the consequences of failing grades, as it should be.
Ross’ grandma passed away yesterday. It was peaceful, she was a believer and it was for the best. It still sucks. Ross is most upset that his mom is upset. Again, it sucks.
I haven’t been sleeping well. Every time I move, my tummy muscles hurt. When I don’t get sleep, I get cranky…like a 2 year old who missed their nap.
I was supposed to have the day off today. We have an ultrasound appointment this afternoon and I have lots of unused sick days left, so I was going to relax and sleep. I changed all of my plans because the news crew was supposed to come film my class today for a project that they have been working on. Well, they cancelled this morning and I’m here with 77 super bummed out kids, thinking about how I could still be asleep.
Our school is in total outrage. Our principal has lost all sight of what is good and right for the school. He’s out of touch and forgotten that we are professionals and love our kids. He has forgotten that we do everything in our power to protect, nurture and teach them. I have never seen moral so low. I have never seen so many angry, truly outraged teachers. People are yelling, slamming doors and are madder than I’ve ever seen. It makes me want to cash in all of my sick days and say, “See ya!” We are not appreciated at all. We did AMAZINGLY well on TAKS and have not even received so much as a “good job” email from him. Not to mention that he completely overlooked Teacher Appreciation Week a few weeks ago. It wasn’t’ mentioned on the announcements, through email, put on the marquee, NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. What kind of message does that send to your staff? Well, I’ll just say that I can’t even explain how low morale is….I can’t even come close.
My parents had a rough week. On Monday, my mom’s new assistant started. She was running an errand for my mom, driving my mom’s car and she wrecked it. She was totally at fault and had not driven the route that my mom had told her to, and she badly wrecked the car. My parents have to pay for it, too. It will be filed on their insurance. Also, on the same day, my parents were set to close on their new lake house. They were at the title company signing papers, when they realized that the bank had forgotten to add the “Jr.” to my dad’s name on all of the paper work. There was no quick fix and they weren’t able to close. They will try again later this week. Bum deal.
I’m a hormonal mess. I haven’t really felt this way that much but this week has been bad. I feel like I have PMS on steroids and it won’t go away. I’m cranky, crabby, short tempered, snappy, weepy, tired, etc….It sucks.
The kids have lost it. There may still be over a week of school left but they have already quit. Their behavior is out of control. They are done and so are the teachers. It makes it very difficult to get anything accomplished. I’m going to have kids fail this grading period because they refuse to turn in missing work. Well, that is their decision. I can teach and teach and teach, but if they don’t turn in their work, they are going to suffer the consequences of failing grades, as it should be.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
school baby shower
The ladies at school were kind enough to throw us our first shower! The baby got lots of goodies!! Our guest room looks like Babies R Us!!
The typical shower pic.
We got our Johnny Jump Up!! (and apparently I am suuuuuuper excited)
This is when I started crying. I saw that little Aggie bib and lost it.
The typical shower pic.
We got our Johnny Jump Up!! (and apparently I am suuuuuuper excited)
This is when I started crying. I saw that little Aggie bib and lost it.
sister's graduation party
So, my dear precious sister is about to graduate from high school. She's old. Well, since she is the greatest person on the planet, I obviously had to throw her a graduation party! Ok, so I planned it...Mom and Dad paid. It was the perfect arrangement! We had it for her and one of her life-long besties, Mackenzie. We all look a little rough because it was at the lake...super fun!!! I wish that I could take good pictures because you would see how cute the decorations looked! I made these "picture tree" things and the 2010 buckets. It turned out well and she's going to get to use them again at church for her Senior Sunday display.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
New favorite (and affordable) bedding
I think I finally found bedding that I really, really like and can actually afford! I am just not willing to spend $500 for bedding that he will spit up and poo all over...just not gonna do it! Here's what I found. Both are Migi brand.
I love this one most because it reminds me of being in Galveston at my grandparents' house. I really love that it's sweet little fish but not over the top. Plus, it's the exact colors that I wanted. The more I look at it the more I love it!!
I like this one too but not as much.
I love this one most because it reminds me of being in Galveston at my grandparents' house. I really love that it's sweet little fish but not over the top. Plus, it's the exact colors that I wanted. The more I look at it the more I love it!!
I like this one too but not as much.
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